A dalliance with the demon drink... pt 1

“It’s probably the most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my life,” replied my brother - I’ll call him ‘G’ for the sake of this story - when I asked him to elaborate upon an infamous New Year’s Eve night many years before in his debauched past. “It took weeks to piece together exactly what had actually happened, with the fragments people told me they’d seen me doing during the night and then remembering little bits here and there,” he said as we sat having a brew together, “and even now, I’m still not sure of everything that happened.” Well, the story is a classic example of overindulgence in festive spirit, alcohol abuse and the resulting mindless cretin this can create, so allow me to share this tale of woe with you over two parts...

Did Alisha & Nathan actually touch in Misfits?

Here's a little animation of frames taken from Misfits episode five, series two for all the fans out there who were wanting Alisha to touch Nathan but never got their wish to see what additional filth would sprout from his mouth. Below is the proof they actually DID touch, albeit unintentionally so and apparently without any effect whatsoever! Please click the image beneath for the animation:

The Boiling Rage: 2010 in review

Got this email through this morning from WordPress, so thought I'd revel in my own (pathetic) brilliance and let anyone whose interested (!?) to gauge my 'Blog-Health-o-Meter™'! Now, I know the figures aren't immense or mind-blowing but still, World Dominance isn't attained in a day, is it...?

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here's a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,900 times in 2010. That's about 4 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 42 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 56 posts. There were 104 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 8mb. That's about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was December 5th with 109 views. The most popular post that day was A tale of two Bicycles.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were bv.com.au, imdb.com, facebook.com, mail.live.com, google.co.uk and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for the boiling rage, ellie koning, windows 7 advert, parcelforce, and colin brazier.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1. A tale of two Bicycles April 2010
2. Windows 7 UK adverts: anyone for an anal lobotomy? Jan 2010
3. Zombies: it's all about the way they move... December 2009
4. Parcel Force? P*ssing Farce more like! July 2010
5. Halifax Bank's Radio Station: feeling a little queasy April 2010
6. BT Broadband: welcome to the dribbling trickle   February 2010
7. Walking and Dogs - ready for a workout?   May 2010
8. In eBay sellers we trust    June 2010
9. New MP3 player, new top 10    September 2010
10. I can't get no Enlightenment satisfaction    December 2010

Some of your most popular posts were written before 2010. Your writing has staying power! Consider writing about those topics again.

So, there we have the result of all my hard work: another year has passed in my blogging world, with another 12 months suddenly arriving to occupy me and it's yet another 52 weeks sucked from my very bones as I head towards the grave, dust and the Universal.

And you know what? I wouldn't change a f**king thing!

New Year's Day (unwelcome) surprise

I got a New Year’s Day surprise today from my Boss, who ‘phoned up to let me know that my eBay manager job of the past four and a half years is being wrapped-up by the end of the month, so I’ve got the next three-and-a-bit-weeks before it’s finished, done, over, kaput, ended, etc...

Misfits: Curtis' time-rewind Easter egg

Misfits has just finished its second series run on E4 in the UK - including a bonus Christmas special episode for us all this year - and has left fans divided by its problematic storylines, unexpected hermeneutic codes and wormhole-like narrative subtexts, even to the point of infuriating some and elating others. However, regardless of these perceived differences, the show has managed to grip virtually everyone who watched the first episode way back in November 2009 and across just a twelve month, two series and 13 episode span, Misfits has grown to be the most exciting and life-affirming show on British TV, period.

Dental plan

Last week sometime, I had to pop and do some shopping into my local supermarket and so, after a protracted time spent fondling nets of Satsumas and trying to decipher the ‘best before’ dates on half cucumbers and round lettuces, a sit down at my local cafe seemed the perfect remedy. Finding an empty table inside, I ordered a cup of coffee and a bacon butty from the young girl behind the counter and then sat down to peruse the morning paper I’d picked-up while shopping. As I begin to scan the pages, I became aware of two lads sat just across from me and they epitomised the appearance of the poverty-stricken youth of today: each was wearing a dark, hooded jacket, shell bottoms and trainers, with shaven heads finishing off the look. They must have been aged in their late teens or early twenties at a push and one of them was telling a profanity-laden story whilst the other listened, nonchalantly.

Council Tax blues (slight return)

My previous blog entry regarding late Council Tax payment and the subsequent red letter threatening me with court - see "Council Tax blues" for more details - garnered me with a comment from ‘Oldham John’ (not his real name, methinks!) and even though I pay just £13 a month due to being employed part-time, this stalwart of the community dished up some choice words for me to ruminate over. I reprint his message below, verbatim:

I can't get no Enlightenment satisfaction

With last week’s blizzard whiteout stretching the length and breadth of the nation, I was obviously unable to use my bike for travelling to work and had to resort to flexing my boot soles back on terra firma for the first time a while. Of course, this consists of trudging an eight mile round trip just so I can saviour working in subzero temperatures within a forty foot metal container with no heating, a fantastic experience I suggest everyone should sample at least once in their lives before they die from the onset of pneumonia. Ah, the need to earn money and survive in a consumerist dream world, balanced against developing a life-threatening disease if you choose to work!

Secrets found within a lost mobile phone...

Being of a certain age (and the less said about this the better) I can recall living through both my pre- and post- teenage years in a less technologically-advanced time period than that of today’s youth, who are unconsciously intertwined with the microcosm of their existence through everyday virtual knowledge. This self-educational data is attained via the solid-state worlds of the internet, mobile ‘phones and computers and is a place where the kids all dwell without a care in the world, safe in the knowledge that old has-beens like me may be able to browse a website or two but this is where our cursory skills abruptly stop (oh, hang on a minute!).

More snowfall and the UK media frenzy starts again...

Winter has arrived in the blink of an eye again across the UK - and specifically my northern enclave of greater Manchester - swamping all with its chilled blanket of ice crystals and bringing the whole of civilisation to a standstill because of an overnight snow sprinkle. This happened last year at virtually the same time and I wrote then (see "Christmas, New Year & the Big Freeze" for more details) about the absolute uselessness of our culture to perform the most mundane tasks when faced with nothing more than fluffy-white, frozen water descending from the skies. It is certainly a worry to look back at how the machinations of a world power crumbled because of a lack of Cheshire rock salt but we learnt from those mistakes, didn’t we...? Well, no...